I Promise I am there for You
My husband and I entered back into couples counseling. This time we went to a healer that does deep transformational work. She is not messing around. She asks for a commitment that we make to ourselves and to our little inner children parts that may have scattered during trauma. We are calling these parts of ourselves back in, and understanding the situations that caused them to leave. In doing so we are healing the separation that at one time served us. These children parts that have left, did so for good reason. However we have been operating from the hurt needy child parts, subconsciously we have let these parts control our outer world that we manifest. So in the last session we did with this healer my husband made a commitment to do some work with her in discovering what was the trauma that had the parts of him scatter. And the commitment is to understand this, heal it, love it, and welcome home in his heart the scattered parts so that he can understand his worthiness and his magnificence and be the loving adult to the wounded child within.
However, my husband, after he made this commitment could not schedule a time when he could do this work. He is a real estate agent in the middle of a few potentially big deals. In his line of work while he’s in the middle of the process of negotiating deals it would be irresponsible on his part to not be available to his clients. Finally after a week of not being able to make a schedule for this healing work, he was on the phone with the woman trying to explain why it’s challenging for him to make a commitment of the time while he is in the middle of these real estate negotiations. She understood and was trying to express to him the importance of living up to your commitment to your soul once you have declared your intention to do the healing work. One’s soul hears the commitment and desires that you live up to it. She was trying to explain to him that if you do not follow through with your commitment the wounded parts can act out and sabotage your manifestation. Upon hearing this my husband was very triggered, on some level he thought she was cursing him, or at the very least emotionally blackmailing him to come back to therapy. I did not hear it like this. I heard that she was giving him invaluable advice. He protested and said he did not like hearing what she was telling him. She backed off a little bit and gave him a jewel of a tool to work with until he could schedule the healing time.
He did not understand this tool, this gift, that she had given him. I understood it immediately. Although it was news to me, it was very welcome advice. Luckily I completely understood this and could translate this good news in a way that my husband could understand. And for the past four days I’ve been sitting with him in the morning and we practice this gift.
She told him that although he had made the commitment, he needed to reassure his soul and the fragmented children parts that he was not abandoning them.
And I gave him a language he could understand.
I explained to him that the wounded little boy has been reacting to the world through his subconscious and perhaps it was this aspect of my husband that had been sabotaging his manifestations of abundance. It’s this little wounded boy that has been screaming for attention and the more and more that my husband feels like a failure the more likely he would be to go seek help and finally heal this part. And now that my husband had called attention and made a commitment to healing this little boy that has been so magnificently giving him this message the healing needs to be done, he wouldn’t want to let the little boy think that he needed to sabotage anymore.
So every day I’ve been sitting down next to my husband and we talk to our little wounded children parts. We tell them that we know they’re there and thank them for all the messages they’ve been giving us all these years because without those messages we would not heal the dark pain that has been in our lives. We know that this pain is caused for our greatest learning and evolution. And now we understand the message. Every morning with thank these little child parts for being so brave. Every morning we tell them that we have not forgotten them and we call them into our heart and we ask them for a tiny bit of patience because grown-up aspects of ourselves have some immediate work to do before we can do the deep healing work. We talk to this little part and remind them that we got the message now, and they no longer have to create failure or disappointment or sabotage our manifestations. We got their message now! And we promise that we will heal their pain.
We talk to these parts as if they are our children when in actuality they are child aspects of ourselves. We assure them that we are not neglecting them, they no longer have to get our attention in a negative way.
I truly understand this. I sincerely hope my husband does too. It’s doing the same thing that you would with a best friend or a partner or a child. We are talking to these aspects of ourselves letting them know that we enter their reality. This is how we would talk to a friend. We understand, and we really are there for you, it’s just that it can’t happen this minute. They can talk to us and we could love them but when it comes to the deep conversation (healing work) we will be doing that in the little tiny while. Hang in there and we finally we understand what you have been telling us. We hold you in our heart and we are no longer operating from the subconscious messages you have you been screaming out.
I remember when we were having a hard time about 15 years ago, a therapist told my husband, “she (me) just wants you to enter her reality.” This was like telling my husband to all of a sudden speak a foreign language. He grew up with a paranoid schizophrenic mother, and the scariest thing in the world would be to enter her reality. His idea of entering someone’s reality would be very damaging to himself. However at this juncture he was beginning to realize that the task would be anything but damaging to himself or our relationship. It would be the needed action for a better marriage and a better connection for him to the world.
I think he intellectually understood her advise but wasn’t emotionally ready. The therapist told him that entering my reality could be a simple thing. It could mean he comes home from work extremely tired and stressed out, and he would find me needy and lonely. The therapist suggested that he just say, “honey I see that you need me, and I see that you want to talk about a few things, however I need to go for a 15 minute bicycle ride to clear my head and when I come back I’ll be there for you 100%.” That’s all I needed and that’s all our little children need within us. We just need to live up to the commitment once we say these words.
The problem is, sadly, my husband could not do that at that time. He was still too terrified with the idea and the implications of entering a female’s reality.
Patiently I wait, hopefully I wait, knowing that he understands this concept now. He had not emotionally understood it before. However now is the time to embrace the love, the love of the gift that his mother’s struggles gave him. If he can transmute all of this confusion and pain into the profound love that is on the other side all of this is a great gift.
And there is a big gift for me in all of this. The level of anger and fear I have had my entire life that people just don’t understand, that my husband just doesn’t understand how the world works, my parents don’t understand how this soul is evolving. I have so much rage. In a few days I will go do some deep anger work. My husband’s inability to enter my reality is a great gift. I will clear this anger. I will make it to the other side. This is what I’m telling the child within me. I understand you and I will work with all the anger I’ve had that no parent understood.
The lost child parts within you want you to their reality, want you t speak with them, love them, and live up to the commitment to transcend their pain so you can be operating from a healthy unified place. You’re manifestations of your outer world will no longer have sabotage or negative mirrors.
I think half the healing is just knowing all this.
I am excited for my anger work in a few days. And I will keep holding space for my husband every morning showing him how to love the little lost boy within him, that he has brought back into his heart. And it won’t be long now that his resistance will be down and he will make the appointment to do the deep healing work.
